My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
