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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
