Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
