Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize