therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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