Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
