Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
