Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
