it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
