Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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