Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
