We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize