Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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