what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
