wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
