I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
