Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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