I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
