I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
