saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
