I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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