a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
