Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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