i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
