I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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