He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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