Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
