ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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