girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
