We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize