thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
