it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
well you can't waste a boner
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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