Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
