I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We left an ass print on the piano.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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