I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
