We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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