I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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