So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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