If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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