I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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