Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
