Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
