Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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