wrigley field is MILF paradise
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Please don't give away my fajitas
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
