I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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