Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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