Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
