did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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