My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
