Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
