Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
