So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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