I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
