ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
