Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
