I think my fart just growled at me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
