It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize