Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
