Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
