well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
