i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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