If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We had to coat check the pizza.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
