I hate your face
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
