I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize