Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i think im in europe. pls send help
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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