I puked a lego.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
