I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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