you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize