I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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