I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he shaved USA in his pubs
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
