you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
