He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
