I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize