we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
