I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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