I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
