I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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