you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
