he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
